8 Questions to Ask Yourself
Before Getting Married
by Lisa Thomson
- 1. Do you feel emotionally safe and supported in your relationship?
- Can you be vulnerable and open about beliefs, hopes and fears?
- 2. What are your reasons for wanting to get married?
- Are they idealistic or realistic?
- 3. Are you able to “show up” for your partner?
- Can you envision yourself as a supporter when life gets tough? As a confidant? As a cheerleader when your partner is pursuing a goal or dream?
- 4. Who is your relationship support system?
- Are you surrounded by friends and family who will support you in working through difficult times that may come up?
- 5. Do you know what your preferences are for how to handle finances, career, extended family and whether or not to have children?
- Have you communicated openly about these things with your partner, and have you listened to their hopes and preferences?
- 6. Are you sexually compatible?
- Are you a good fit related to physical affection and intimate connection? Don’t stress if there is room for improvement. Just know that progress in this area does not happen on its own. It often requires openness, creating safety and trust in the relationship.
- 7. Are you emotionally compatible?
- Some of us process out loud and really value conversation. Others are quieter and prefer space to think. Do your styles work for each other or do they sometimes leave you feeling alone and isolated?
- 8. Do you trust your partner?
- Do you find yourself checking up? If so, this might be a red flag. Is it about your partner? Or, is it coming from your past experiences and a strong desire to protect yourself from getting hurt? Or is it a bit of both? Do you continue to repeat patterns in relationships and find yourself unsure about how to break the cycle?
- Remember, intimate relationships are an incredibly fulfilling and positive part of our lives when they are working well. But to feel alone in a relationship, or resentful that you have given up pieces of yourself that were important to you in order to make the relationship work can be devastating and can begin to impact other areas of your life. Healthy and happy relationships are possible. And sometimes it is simply a matter of small shifts that make significant differences. Just because these things need a bit of shaping in the beginning does not mean that you can’t put in some effort to create an amazing relationship. Excited about marriage and invested in making your relationship last and thrive for the long haul?
- Contact lisathomson@supportingwellness.com. Counselling is available to individuals and couples. Lisa Thomson, MA, Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist, Registered Provisional Psychologist specializes in helping individuals and couples get unstuck.